Halloween Jokes

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Spook-tacular Laughs: 150+ Halloween Jokes, Puns, and One-Liners

Halloween isn’t just about costumes, candy, and scaring the life out of your neighbors it’s also about having a fang-tastic time with some good ol’ spooky humor! Whether you’re hosting a Halloween party or just looking to give your friends a ghostly giggle, we’ve got you covered with the ultimate collection of Halloween jokes, puns, and one-liners that will raise your spirits and maybe even tickle your funny bone.

Grab your broomstick, dust off those cobwebs, and let’s fly into some hilarious Halloween fun!

80 Halloween Jokes That Are Wickedly Funny

What’s Halloween without some side-splitting jokes to keep the mood light and fun? These 80 jokes will have you howling with laughter:

1. Why don’t mummies take vacations?
   They’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind!
2. What kind of music do mummies listen to?
   Wrap music.
3. Why did the ghost go to the party?
   To lift everyone’s spirits!
4. How do you fix a broken jack-o’-lantern?
   With a pumpkin patch!
5. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
   They don’t have the guts.
6. What’s a witch’s favorite subject in school?
   Spelling.
7. Why are graveyards so noisy?
   Because of all the coffin!
8. What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
   Spare ribs.
9. Why don’t ghosts like rain?
   It dampens their spirits.
10. How do vampires start letters?
    “Tomb it may concern…”
11. Why do witches wear name tags?
    So they know which witch is which.
12. What’s a monster’s favorite dessert?
    I-scream!
13. Why didn’t the skeleton go to the ball?
    He had no body to go with.
14. What’s a ghost’s favorite food?
    Boo-berries!
15. Why did the zombie go to school?
    He wanted to improve his braaaiins.
16. How do ghosts stay in shape?
    They do plenty of deadlifts!
17. What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?
    Frostbite.
18. Why are vampires always so calm?
    Because they can’t let anything get under their skin.
19. Why did the headless horseman go into business?
    He wanted to get ahead in life.
20. What’s a vampire’s least favorite food?
    Steak.
21. Why do ghosts love elevators?
    It lifts their spirits.
22. What kind of makeup do witches wear?
    Mas-scare-a.
23. What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
    Sham-boo.
24. How do you know if a vampire is sick?
    By how much he’s coffin!
25. Why was the witch late to the meeting?
    She flew off the handle.
26. What do skeletons say before they eat?
    Bone appetit!
27. Why don’t zombies like fast food?
    It goes right through them.
28. What did the ghost say to his wife?
    You look boo-tiful tonight.
29. Why don’t werewolves ever tell the truth?
    They’re always lycan.
30. How do skeletons send mail?
    Through the bony express.
31. What’s a ghost’s favorite fruit?
    Boo-nanas!
32. Why do witches ride brooms?
    Vacuum cleaners are too heavy.
33. What did one ghost say to the other ghost at dinner?
    You’re my boo!
34. What happens when a vampire bites a snowman?
    You get a frostbite!
35. Why don’t mummies go to school?
    They can’t stop unraveling.
36. How do monsters like their eggs?
    Terri-fried.
37. What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday?
    Fangsgiving.
38. What do witches eat at cookouts?
    Hallo-weenies.
39. What did Dracula say to his reflection?
    Long time no see!
40. Why don’t witches wear flat hats?
    There’s no point!
41. How do you keep a skeleton from acting silly?
    Take away his funny bone.
42. What’s a ghost’s favorite ride at the amusement park?
    The roller-ghoster.
43. Why do ghosts make terrible liars?
    You can see right through them.
44. What kind of horses do ghosts ride?
    Night-mares.
45. Why did the vampire break up with his girlfriend?
    She wasn’t his type.
46. How do monsters tell their future?
    They read their horror-scope.
47. What did the skeleton say when he left the party?
    I’ve got a bone to pick with you!
48. Why did the mummy call the doctor?
    He was feeling rotten.
49. What is a ghost’s least favorite room?
    The living room.
50. Why are graveyards the best place to write a story?
    They have so many plots!
51. How do you make a skeleton laugh?
    Tickle his funny bone!
52. What’s a witch’s favorite exercise?
    Hexercises!
53. What do you call two witches sharing a broom?
    Broommates.
54. Why are skeletons so calm?
    Nothing gets under their skin.
55. What do ghosts say when something is really neat?
    That’s boo-tiful!
56. What’s a vampire’s favorite dog?
    A bloodhound.
57. What’s a ghost’s favorite candy?
    Boo-ble gum.
58. Why was the jack-o’-lantern so forgetful?
    His brain was made of mush!
59. What’s a monster’s favorite game?
    Hide and shriek.
60. Why was the skeleton so lonely?
    He had no body to hang out with.
61. How do you make a werewolf stew?
    Keep him waiting!
62. What do you call a haunted chicken?
    A poultry-geist.
63. Why didn’t the ghost ask for a second opinion?
    He was happy with his first boo-gnosis!
64. What kind of shoes do ghosts wear?
    Boo-ts.
65. How do witches keep their hair looking nice?
    Scare spray.
66. What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument?
    The trom-bone.
67. What’s a mummy’s favorite snack?
    Wraps.
68. What happens when you see twin witches?
    You can’t tell which witch is which!
69. Why did the ghost bring string to the party?
    To tie up some loose ends!
70. Why did the vampire get a job at the blood bank?
    He needed a steady supply!
71. How do you write a book about Halloween?
    With a ghostwriter!
72. What do witches serve for dessert?
    I-scream sundaes.
73. How do you know if a monster is in love?
    He’s all wrapped up in someone.
74. What do you call a werewolf who doesn’t know he’s a werewolf?
    An unawarewolf!
75. Why did the pumpkin take a nap?
    It was feeling a little seedy.
76. What did the ghost say at the comedy show?
    That was boo-larious!
77. Why don’t mummies play poker?
    They don’t want to get wrapped up in it.
78. What do ghosts use to clean their houses?
    A boo-m vacuum!
79. Why do ghosts never tell jokes?
    They’re afraid they’ll get booed!
80. Why did Dracula become a vegetarian?
    He couldn’t stand steak!

26 Short Halloween Puns to Cast a Spell on Your Day

Need some bite-sized Halloween humor? These 26 short puns are sure to make you cackle:

1. Witch better have my candy!
2. I’m just here for the boos.
3. Trick or treat yo’ self!
4. Ghouls just wanna have fun.
5. You’re so boo-tiful!
6. Eat, drink, and be scary.
7. Have a fang-tastic night!
8. Bone to be wild.
9. Resting witch face.
10. Shake your boo-ty!
11. Time to get this party startled.
12. Hallo-queen vibes only.
13. Looking fa-boo-lous!
14. Boo-yah! Halloween’s here.
15. Feeling fang-cy tonight!
16. Witching you a spooky night.
17. Let’s boo this!
18. Howl you doin’?
19. Creep it real.
20. You’ve got a ghoul-friend in me.
21. Here for a gourd time, not a long time.
22. Let’s get this party haunted!
23. Squad ghouls only.
24. Witch please, it’s Halloween.
25. Hauntingly good vibes.
26. Fang you very much!

30 Halloween One-Liners That Are Scarily Good

Here’s a selection of quick, punchy one-liners that you can use to get your audience laughing like a mad scientist:

1. I’m not a scaredy-cat, I’m just allergic to fear.
2. I tried to be a skeleton for Halloween, but I didn’t have the guts.
3. I’ve got a bone to pick with this Halloween candy it’s too good.
4. If you’ve got it, haunt it.
5. My costume? I’m dressed as someone who hasn’t figured out what to wear yet.
6. Vampires make the worst stand-up comedians they just suck.
7. I put a spell on you now pass the candy.
8. Why can’t skeletons ever tell lies? Because you can see right through them!
9. I ghosted my homework it was too scary.
10. Witch way to the candy?
11. Let’s eat, drink, and be scary.
12. This Halloween costume is a real treat!
13. I don’t need to dress up for Halloween I’m naturally scary.
14. I’m here for the boos and the boos only.
15. Being a ghost on Halloween isn’t a costume, it’s a lifestyle.
16. I’m fang-tastic, and you’re just batty.
17. My broomstick runs on caffeine and candy.
18. If you’ve got a ghost of a chance, take it.
19. Why did the zombie go to school? He wanted to improve his braaaains!
20. I don’t drink… wine. But candy? Bring it on!
21. Ghosts make terrible liars they’re too transparent.
22. I wanted to be a vampire for Halloween, but the idea kind of bites.
23. Witch better have my candy!
24. Don’t make me get my broomstick!
25. Ghouls night out, anyone?
26. I’m just here for the boos.

Halloween is all about having fun, sharing laughs, and enjoying the spooky season with friends and family. Whether you’re planning a costume party, a scary movie marathon, or just want to bring a little humor to your holiday, these jokes, puns, and one-liners are sure to make everyone scream with laughter. Go ahead, share them with your boo crew and have a fang-tastic Halloween!

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